5 min read

X I.  Seek From Thyself

Lenten Sacrifices

I can have these huge resolutions that become a progressive amount of things to check off a list (maybe a deceitful step towards pride). If I exaggerate my efforts in one area, what does it mean if I still cannot be charitable to those closest to me—or charitable in the smallest way?

Lent is meant as something to help take me to the next level to continue growing stronger so as to become reborn in my zeal for Christ, not as something extreme to jump in and out of with little to no resolve. I do not become reborn through my own sweat, my flesh, or my will, but through God’s will. I must take care that I am discerning this will in even the smallest of acts. Year after year I can blindly enter into my spiritual desert only to finally remove my blindfold yet again or I can look deeply into the hidden recesses of my soul to find Christ and bear new life towards the end of this cunning journey. 

Q: Within a continual cycle of prayer, how can I truly perceive themes of repentance, abstinence, and almsgiving towards the dawn of this resurrection—in a meaningful way? 

A: Other than the usual thing or two to abstain from, I will start by going somewhere alone, near the home but in nature. I will sit and pause in this ideal place to be reflective, causing me to see a fuller view of this gift called life. I might begin with a gaze, an honest question aligned with deep rumination. I might reflect on patterns of resistance, frustrations, pet peeves that present themselves within the day, weeks, past years, last year, or in the overall makings of life. The next thing will be to forget about order or the great justifications that allow me to hold onto these resistances, frustrations, and pet peeves that are carefully put in place. And after that I will think soley about the smallest good that could be found within letting them go and whether that good can end up being imparted on someone else. Of course I’ll be careful not to redirect that small good back to myself or my selfish need to reason through. The key is to deny myself any kind of profit or the same reasoning of an adult that consistently calculates the “greater good”. 

Stressing and berating all for the "greater good" of a future outcome—I’m going to start with turning these habits upside down on their heads. Sometimes when I seek to do things for the greater good, it can bring me to focus on the future and cast away people’s feelings or anything of substance in the present. Once more I'm going to focus on the shift and bringing about the smallest good and making this occur more frequently during Lent. It is not about what can be saved in the next hour or next moment but right now, even while I ponder. I'm going to persist in every mess present throughout life and bring peace to each second, bring love to each thought, and allow it to become a gift to someone else even if it costs me more. I’m going to break free from overt justifications and begin weaving together moments that become patches of lenten sacrifices.

"When I think of the happiness that is in store for me, every sorrow, every pain becomes dear to me."

—Saint Francis of Assisi

Parable of Answers

There was a time I was given a heavy undertaking. Things to be completed within a weeks time. As I began to work, in need of another's help, one of my friends came to my aid within the beginning of the week. I was so relieved except later on I became furious when that same friend that volunteered to help, left their tasks undone without even a word to go enjoy themself elsewhere. I had two options, I could smile, tell them thank you for any help they offered and carry on exhaustingly but lovingly do the work (while finding a substitute) or I could kindly complain to them about never finishing tasks they volunteer to do to make them realize their wrongs.

Q: Almsgiving: How did I choose to impart a small good on someone and how could I have not...click here to finish reading.