3 min read

I I. Early Solitude

In Desolation

I can no longer meditate.

I am staring into nothing.

I am thinking of the final end,

and any way that I can mend.

So in good death is life,

before eternal life is suffering,

through suffering is the glory.

I need more time to prepare.

Through dryness, there is still another chance.

Through this piercing sense, I detect a subtleness.

To witness this subtleness again,

I think I need to be more still.

Except stillness brings me to madness,

so I rock myself into persuasion,

until I can get the flesh to submit again.

I am now finally still again.

In being still, I dread but long.

In longing, I must continue to wait.

In waiting, I am may be sensitive to movement.

In this sensitivity, I detect a lingering,

and now I can’t believe I had forgotten,

that God is in everything.

“O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek...”

—Saint Francis of Assisi

Consolations

Through the rough texture of the stone wall,

(I ponder His suffering)

Through the filtering of the sun between the shades,

(I close my eyes and look to Him)

Through the warm flickering movements of this flame,

(I am lightly teased with joy)

Through the wind passing swiftly against the window,

(I lean with holy fear into surrounding hope)

And He truly longs for us amidst our trials.

And I wait, that I might prove myself.

When I am empty, I painfully long.

When I am lonely, I am able to long profoundly.

Cling to your trials,

and simply endure…

Without any embellishment,

simply endure...

Walk through broken time,

and simply endure...

this untapped love,

Solitude is pure.

We lose more when we resist.

Unlike some,

be careful not to miss,

Not like the last run,

yet still, would I dare skip?

Where would I be without it,

that much I can't see.

Since I rather stay close,

right there in between.

these walls of protection,

from too crazy a scene.

That is, the outside world,

where I must ever take leave.

So keep me withdrawn,

I beg you please.

My daily devotions,

these mysteries I repeat.

Constantly through them,

are new discoveries,

I'm beginning to find, that hidden inner key.